Soulshine

      Over the past 15 years I’ve come to value the power of setting boundaries. For many a year, I’ve joked about going home for my “annual dysfunctional family Christmas.” Family gatherings, for any reason (holidays, weddings, etc.), were often painful because I either didn’t know how to set boundaries, or didn’t feel worthy of setting them, much less having them respected. But in recent years that has changed. I decided a few years back that I would no longer be party to negativity at family gatherings. Our family has long been divided by religious beliefs, political leanings and various levels of self-righteousness, as many families are; and I no longer wanted to participate. So I set the boundaries that I would no longer participate in political or religious conversations. Instead, I urged that we talk about those things that unite us and bring harmony, instead of those things that divide us. Of course I couldn’t enforce these boundaries on anyone but mysel...

In watching the TV series American Dreams , it’s easy to see how family relationships are based on control. Everyone in the Pryor family is trying to control and manipulate everyone else to ensure their individual happiness. Dad (Jack Pryor) wants his eldest son (J.J.) to attend Notre Dame University on a football scholarship. Notre Dame means nothing to J.J. but he’s constantly coerced by Dad into believing that Notre Dame is actually his (J.J.’s) dream. Of course J.J, rebels. The night a football scout from Notre Dame is coming to the Pryor’s home for dinner, J.J. goes off and gets drunk with a buddy instead of showing up for the dinner. He’s also slow about filling out his application and so Dad takes care of making sure it gets to Notre Dame on time. Dad’s living HIS dream and he can’t accept that it’s not J.J.’s dream, too. Mom (Helen Pryor) doesn’t want to have any more children. She has four already. She wants a life of her own, outside of being a housewife and ...