Soulshine

“If you were raised in a family where closeness was not a reality, you are much more prone to form an addictive relationship for two reasons: first, you were taught to distance yourself from people, not connect with them; second, growing up in this type of family left you with a deep, lonely emptiness that you’ve wanted to have filled.” Craig Nakken , The Addictive Personality I grew up in a family that was emotionally and physically distant. In many ways we were like six separate people living in the same house. We were more like strangers than a family. We greeted each other in passing, but we rarely made attempts to do much with each other. Sure, we knew each other’s temperaments, and we definitely knew how to push each other’s buttons, how to evoke drama and invent chaos. We also knew how to hide from each other. We only talked when necessary and we shared—on an emotional level-- no more than we had to, mostly out of fear of abandonment. I was too afraid to reveal t...

I’ve taken the last few days to look back over 2013, which was one of my least favorite years as it was unfolding. In hindsight, however, I see some important lessons learned from the very hardships I despised most. First, back in March of 2013, I had my beautiful brand new car struck from behind on the Hollywood Freeway. I was devastated at the time because the car was so valuable to me. But I have since come to believe that no car or material thing can be as valuable as precious time spent with a loved one. Cars are easily repaired, and my car looks as new as ever now. But relationships aren’t so easily repaired. When we focus outside of ourselves, we need to focus on the people who are important to us much more so than the things we treasure. Second, in August of 2013, I became dehydrated at an amusement park in Los Angeles, passed-out and landed hard on the ground. I earned 19 stitches in my head, a sprained back and a pocketful of anxiety attacks. It was not pleasant...