Soulshine

“You are the only person who thinks in your mind! You are the power and authority in your world.” Louise Hay It’s true that we have power over our minds, although that power can sometimes be limited by brain chemistry. I suffer with Obsessive Compulsive Disorder which is caused by a lack of proper serotonin production. As a result, I sometimes am powerless to override negative thinking with positive thinking. Over the past six months I have been free of any drugs that help your brain to produce serotonin, like Zoloft or Prozac (selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors). I wanted to see if I could now manage my serotonin through diet, exercise and an increased awareness of my obsessive (irrational) thinking. The first four months went really well. I got all of my feelings back and was able to cry again. One of the downsides of selective serotonin reuptake drugs is that they suppress your feelings. So I was initially happy to feel again—until some of the feelings got...

It’s important to talk about feelings. I believe feelings are the rainbow of the soul. They give color to life by transforming a one dimensional world into three dimensional. Feelings are beautiful and yet they are also devastating. It’s been six months since I stopped taking Zoloft, and since I started reacquainting myself with my feelings. For the most part, it’s been a good experience. I have had some bouts of terrible sadness. During those days, I learned to reach out to other people. I called friends, even old friends I hadn’t talked to in a while. Reaching out to others helped me to realize the importance of having a support system and that I don’t have to face difficult feelings all by myself. When I was younger, I always walked through all of my sadness alone. It wasn’t a healthy thing to do, but I never felt like anyone would really care. I realize that was a mistake now. We do need the support of others. Sadness is a healing feeling. It takes us from the edge of...

The past few days I’ve been on a real emotional rollercoaster. Since 1998, I had been taking 200 milligrams of Zoloft everyday for Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. Last year I talked with my doctor and decided to start weaning myself off of the Zoloft, which I had started taking as a means of increasing my natural serotonin production. It helped with my OCD, but later I learned that it also was emotionally numbing-me-out. Deciding that I wanted to start feeling the full rainbow of my feelings again, I began working my way down to 100 milligrams of Zoloft a day; then down to 50 milligrams a day. Last week, I took the last Zoloft I had. Since that time, emotions have started gushing out like crazy. Last Sunday evening I was watching an old Ginger Rogers movie called Romance in Manhattan . Rogers plays a New York showgirl who chance-meets a newly-arrived Yugoslavian immigrant (played by Francis Lederer). They go up to the top of her apartment building one evening; and as Led...