Soulshine

“Have you ever been hit so hard by life that you just don’t care anymore?” June Lang, Redhead (1934) Yes. I have. That’s how I feel right now: Hit so hard by life that I can’t seem to muster enough interest to care anymore. I am facing the big birthday (the one that ends in 9) before the BIG Birthday. And looking back on my life, I realize that I have never been true to myself. I’ve long been true to my mother’s image of who I should be, to society’s image of who I should be and to the church’s image of who I should be. But I have never been true to who I authentically am. And I don’t have any snappy recovery jargon to make everything rosy in light of this realization. People-pleasing to earn approval and love is so deeply ingrained in me and it has squeezed every ounce of happiness out of my life, year after year. This is true even after 20 years of recovery. I still wear the chains my mother imposed on me at age five. I’ve just never been able to shake myself free of them...

I first posted this two years ago at Christmas. I think it’s worth re-posting this year and maybe every year as a reminder that we need to work at owning our own power at Holiday gatherings. It’s the only way we can truly enjoy them. Merry Christmas! “Christmas time is here, happiness and cheer”… OK well maybe not. I mean, yeah, it’s Christmas, but the happiness and cheer is debatable. This time of the year most everyone wants to be happy, but let’s face it, family gatherings sometimes play out like real Nightmares before Christmas. Across America most every family has an Uncle Eeyore, who makes the Winnie the Pooh character seem like the Sugar Plum Fairy; an Aunt Grinchella, who’s conniving and controlling; and a brother Ebenezer, who is bitter and angry at the world. So much for happiness and cheer-- unless we adopt a new attitude toward family and the holiday. First, we have to choose to accept Eeyore, Grinchella and Ebenezer just the way they are by empathizing with ...