Soulshine

“Shit happens.” Ancient Catholic Proverb A major part of addictive recovery is getting back in touch with feelings. Many of us learned to shut-down our emotions when we were small children. It was a protection mechanism that allowed us to survive life in chaotic households. But being emotionally numbed-out doesn’t serve us well as adults. In fact, it causes us to act-out. In order to suppress the feelings we don’t want to face we drink, over-eat, compulsively shop, or busy ourselves with work, exercise, TV, etc. It’s important to me to keep track of the feelings I am learning to own. And I had a vivid experience of how well I am progressing this week. My car was at the dealership for some bumper repairs. I went on Wednesday to pick it up. As one of the dealership employees was driving my car around to me, another employee in a parked SUV didn’t see him coming and backed right into the side of my car! I couldn’t believe my eyes. I stood there in shock-- and shock was...

“Do whatever you want with me, anything you want with me, fill me up with your memory.” Foxy, Lady of the Streets (1979) I believe love and sex addiction are derived from codependency. Some people have such a giant void inside themselves that nothing can seemingly fill it up aside from physical touch. In the same way that a sugar addict needs a donut or a shopping addict needs a new pair of shoes when they are ultimately feeling bad about themselves, a sex addict needs physical fulfillment. The root cause of this addiction can be complex. Some sex addiction is rooted in the fact that a person was sexually abused as a child. But much of it derives from the fact that all addictive thinking is rooted in a deep sense of self-worthlessness. Addicts believe that they are inherently unlovable and that they have to earn love. For some addicts, sex becomes a viable way of earning love—or some form of validation of their worth from others that they actually mistake for lo...

“… I leaned into my longing. I felt the sadness and emptiness in my soul that came from years of buying into the story that I am not good enough, something I’d been trying to avoid for a long time.” Chris Michaels, The Power of You In The Power of You , Chris Michaels refers to the belief of “I’m not good enough” as being like a beast in the center of your being. Anyone who has ever suffered from addictive behaviors is familiar with this beast. It’s the Beast of inherent shame and there’s no feeling on earth as bad. Many of us have tried desperately to tame this beast through our addictive acting-out. We may have used alcohol, drugs, sugar, shopping, people, gambling, sex or many other self-destructive forms of behavior to quiet the beast. All of them failed time and again—and they always will fail. Addiction is a means of running from the Beast. We never conquer anything we run from. Once we start running, we never stop because the beast is always one step ...