Soulshine

Addictive acting out is all about one thing: Running from ourselves, from the selves that we refuse to accept as being “good enough.” We can change our behaviors. We can choose and eventually learn to be kinder to ourselves. We can choose to stop beating ourselves up with hateful thoughts. We can choose to set boundaries, to express how we really feel about life. We can choose to be honest and tell other people what behaviors are acceptable to us, and what behaviors are not acceptable. We can also be honest enough to tell people who we really are, without feeling guilt or shame about our own opinions, likes/dislikes, beliefs and personal needs. The flip side of this Serenity coin is that we must also accept the unchangeable about ourselves, others and life. We cannot change another person— PERIOD! We cannot rescue them, save them or recreate them to be what we want them to be. The same is true for ourselves. We can change our behaviors, but we can’t change our heritage, the col...

Letting go is an incredible act of trust based in faith. We must have faith enough to trust our Higher Power to make all things right in our lives— without interference from us. When I look back at 2018, I realize that the less I tried to control other people, their lives and choices,  and the less I tried to control my own happiness by repeatedly trying to manipulate God, others and life itself, the freer and happier I became.  Trusting in your Higher Power— and in yourself and trustworthy people— is how we let go and allow life to flow along its natural course. It doesn’t guarantee complete uninterrupted happiness. There will be bumps and dark tunnels to face. But it does guarantee that we will survive those bumps and find new light at the end of every dark tunnel.  Our Higher Power LOVES us and wants what’s best for us everyday. Practice Steps 1-3, and gradually learn to release your need to manipulate life: Release that need into the hands of your Hig...

ALEXANDER O'NEAL- THANK YOU FOR A GOOD YEAR (1988) 2018 was a very good year for me, primarily because I experienced a tremendous miracle through Recovery: I finally was able to “let go and let God” (Steps 1-3).  I don’t know how it happened. Maybe it happened because I changed my prayer habits. I stopped praying for everything I wanted in my life, and for the power to control life in so many ways. I stopped making demands of God based in unrealistic expectations. I let God be God and miracles happened. I started praying a simple daily prayer “Dear God, I trust that today You will do what is best for me, and that you will guide me to cooperate with You and help me to choose to do what’s best for me.” Gradually, I began to flow with every day of 2018, instead of trying to swim upstream. I stopped creating dramas in my head and chaos in my life. And life, in beautiful ways began to unfold before me. Last January I was asked to become Communications Director for the Nort...

It’s taken me a long time to take my power back from my thoughts. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, combined with codependency, ensured an endless flow of negative thoughts that engulfed my mind and determined my behavior for years. But things have recently changed. I’ve finally worked Steps 6 and 7 successfully. I’ve acknowledged that I no longer want negative “what if this or that happens” thinking to control my mind, having endless terrifying power over me. And I’ve sincerely surrendered it to my Higher Power, who has taken it from me. Hurray! Now that I am no longer giving power to fearful thoughts, they no longer have any power over me. Next year I’ll be starting a new job position in a new city. I’ll be moving from the West coast to the East coast of the United States. I will be working with people I don’t know and I will have no family or friends in my new city of ministry. Am I filled with fear? Are troubling “what if” dramas running through my mind? NO! Everything ...

Looking back over 2018, I realize that this has been a great year of inner-conversion for me. There are several lessons that I’ve learned through Recovery, and some of the most important ones, have incorporated themselves into my thinking and behavior this year. Here are the lessons that are making my life so much better… 1.      Attention Does Not Equal Affection : Growing up as an isolated person who felt ultimately unlovable, I grew to desperately desire affection. Most people seemed to avoid me, or so I thought. Truth is, my behavior and body language told people to stay away from me. When someone was willing to have enough compassion for me to push past my steel-wall barriers, I immediately mistook their kind attention for true affection. I was desperate for any small crumbs of affection that I could find. So I immediately mistook their kindness. Instead of seeing that these people were simply being nice, I immediately jumped to the conclusion that the...

“No, my name’s not Baby, it’s Janet; Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty.” Janet Jackson Boundaries are essential to recovery from codependency or any addictive behavior. Having boundaries means we learn to say no when something is unacceptable to us. We were never designed to please anyone, aside from our Creator. And yet those of us who grew-up people-pleasing everyone have a hard time learning to say NO in recovery. A boundary tells another person what is acceptable to us and what is NOT acceptable to us. Deep down inside, we know our truth. Our feelings tell us when we are allowing someone else to overstep our boundaries. We immediately feel violated and resentful. Recovery isn’t possible without boundaries. Whenever I feel afraid of alienating someone who is treading on my boundaries, I play Janet Jackson’s “Nasty” through my head. I love the line “No, my name’s not Baby, it’s Janet; Miss Jackson, if you’re nasty.” This quote sets a perfect boundary. Jackson tells us wh...