Convert Complainers by Setting Strong Boundaries

No one has to accept unjust criticism. At times we allow ourselves to become the victims of complainers. Everyone is faced with people who constantly need to have something to whine about. We face these people within our families, within our social circles and within our workplaces. But we don’t have to be their victims. We can set boundaries.

Boundaries allow us to retain our personal power. And when it comes to complainers, we definitely need to have proper boundaries. Look at complainers in this light: People who are always complaining are trapped in a negative mindset. Everything you say is filtered through their “you’re out to get me” mind-lens. They have an obsessive need to find fault and to place a negative spin on everything they hear. This isn’t normal. Any time someone says something, it can be interpreted in many different ways, and most people interpret statements in the way in which they were intended. Complainers do not. Everything you say is all about them and how you, like the rest of the world, is bent on destroying them.

So here’s how you can set a great boundary with the complainers in your life. Next time they lodge an angry complaint at you, calmly explain to them that they have misinterpreted your words and your intent. Then explain to them that there are many ways to interpret what someone says and that you are bothered by the fact that they chose to interpret your words negatively. Add “Your negative reaction leads me to believe that you think very poorly of me. And it makes me sad that you have such a low opinion of me.” Then watch them squirm.

By pointing out to them the flaws in their behavior-- their immediate negative reaction, their failure to weight other possible interpretations of your words and their hostile attitude—you turn the tables on them. This is cemented by the fact that they now have to explain their own behavior-- why it is that they so easily take everything you say negatively. Is it because they think so little of you, or is it because they think so little of themselves? Most likely, it’s because they think so little of themselves. They will never admit that fact, and they might not even understand it themselves, but now they are forced to face the consequences of their negative ranting.

Don’t let them off the hook and don’t allow them to turn the tables back on you. Sometimes people will try to do this by insisting that they somehow know better about what your intention was than you do. No one can know what your intention was but you. Make that clear to them and repeatedly tell them that you are sorry that they chose to misinterpret your words in such a negative light. Eventually, they will give up trying to provoke a fight if you can refrain from giving them one.

And hopefully they will walk away and think about the fact that they do indeed interpret everything negatively, that they never question “What else could he/she have meant?” and that there must be something wrong with their way of thinking. Maybe, eventually, they’ll begin to see that they are the one who has the problem and who needs to change—not you, or anyone else. Give them to your Higher Power and ask that Power to help them to change for the better. One less negative person walking this planet makes the world a brighter, better place!