Don’t Allow Your Imagination to Send People Packing!

“It’s just my imagination running away with me.”

The Temptations, Just My Imagination

It’s the 4^th of July and that means fireworks. If you want some real fireworks in your relationships, however, just try being suspicious, controlling and distrustful of the people you believe you care most about in your life. Oh my God! Do I remember those days and all of the relationships I destroyed through by obsessive-compulsive thinking.

In the past, I could never believe anyone was really interested in me, much less loved me, because I didn’t love myself and wasn’t interested in helping myself. So I’d enter a relationship and everything would be good at first. But the more I saw the person, the more insecure I’d become.

I mean, how could this person possibly love icky old me? So I’d start obsessing about who they were looking longingly at if we were eating in a restaurant, or dancing in a club. When we were apart, they’d be on my mind constantly. What were they doing? I know. They’re at work. But what are they really doing? And with whom?!!! Are they cheating on me? Will they meet someone today who’s so much better than I am? Will they dump me tomorrow? I felt a desperate need to tie myself around their neck 24 hours a day; to totally posses and control them; and to keep them from being attracted to anyone else.

My great personal insecurity kept me from being able to trust anyone I was dating. I was always suspicious and always treating the other person like they were guilty of something, when in fact, they were only guilty of crimes within my sick little thought patterns. It was definitely all “just my imagination running away with me,” but in the truly wrong direction every time!

What I didn’t realize at the time was that I was creating the worst case scenarios in my head and then in reality I was looking for all of the necessary evidence to prove that I was right; that this person didn’t love or even like me and that they were cheating on me and that I was going to be the victim again. If we were riding in their car, I’d be looking for signs of someone else: loose hairs, the smell of cologne, articles of clothing, etc. If we were at their house, I’d be doing the same, only worse. If they left the room, I’d go snooping through their papers, drawers, closets, etc. And what’s really horrible about all of this is that I thought I was doing the right thing! I thought I was justified in my insane suspicions and jealousy and my equally as crazy attempts to control the other person.

Of course, all of those relationships ended in the same way: The other person always abandoned me, and, of course, I always blamed them. It was all their fault that things didn’t work out because they were lousy, rotten creeps. But looking back now, I know that’s not the truth. They were good people. I was the one who had the problem and it was my behavior that set them all of running to safe their own sanity.

Boy, am I glad that those days are long past! But I realize that for many people those days aren’t past. If you can relate to any of this type of behavior, do something to help yourself. It’s not about the other person. They aren’t cheating creeps who deserve to be treated like louses. They aren’t the one with the problem. You are. If you find that you can’t seem to trust anyone, especially the people closest to you, if you are always suspicious of others, then there’s something wrong with your thinking. And it’s most likely Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder.

Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD) can destroy your life by pushing everyone around you out of your life. If you are always suspicious and controlling and if all of your relationships are ending in abandonment, then seek help. See a psychiatrist. Only a psychiatrist can tell you if you are suffering from OCD and only they can treat the symptoms with any medications that may be necessary.