Resistance is a Tool of Denial


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If You’re Unhappy, This May Be Why

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I’ve spent most of my life trying to make other people happy because I felt responsible for their feelings. And the above quote is spot-on true. I’m the one person who’s not been happy, as a result. We are not responsible for other people’s feelings. We aren’t their savior. They are responsible for their feelings and we are responsible for ours. Yes, we can express empathy and compassion for others, but we need to stop taking on their feelings and problems as if they are our own. They aren’t. Another person’s problems and feelings affect us indirectly. Our own problems and feelings affect us directly. If we are feeling directly responsible for another person’s feeling/problems, there is something wrong with us. In other words, if a friend is going through a divorce, that is their problem; not ours. If we feel responsible for solving their problem, or for owning their feelings to the point of neglecting our own problems and feelings, we are trapped in codependent caretaki...
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Empower Yourself With Positive Thinking. The Results Are Amazing!

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It’s taken me a long time to take my power back from my thoughts. Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, combined with codependency, ensured an endless flow of negative thoughts that engulfed my mind and determined my behavior for years. But things have recently changed. I’ve finally worked Steps 6 and 7 successfully. I’ve acknowledged that I no longer want negative “what if this or that happens” thinking to control my mind, having endless terrifying power over me. And I’ve sincerely surrendered it to my Higher Power, who has taken it from me. Hurray! Now that I am no longer giving power to fearful thoughts, they no longer have any power over me. Next year I’ll be starting a new job position in a new city. I’ll be moving from the West coast to the East coast of the United States. I will be working with people I don’t know and I will have no family or friends in my new city of ministry. Am I filled with fear? Are troubling “what if” dramas running through my mind? NO! Everything ...
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Own What's Yours to Own

“Feeling compassion for other people is not about becoming obligated to them or feeling responsible for their lives.” Howard Falco, I AM Codependents often confuse compassion with a strong sense of obligation. When we first enter recovery, we may believe we are responsible for the lives of everyone we have grown attached to, or taken hostage. We are so used to linking our compassion for others with a deep sense of being obligated to fix their lives. Their every feeling has become our feeling and their every disappointment, failure or hang-nail has become ours to own and heal. We have made ourselves responsible for making their world all sunny bright. As a result, separating feelings of obligation from feelings of compassion can be very difficult for many newly recovery codependents. Initially, compassion without obligation seems like a cop-out. We feel as though we are letting others down by relinquishing responsibility for their lives; when, in truth, we are showing true compassio...
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Where There Is Kindness, There Is Goodness

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Author’s Note: The next few meditations will be from a retreat I directed recently called The Good News According to Disney . If you aren’t familiar with the films that are referenced, I’d suggest to take time to see them and to look for the deeper meaning within them. Many people today still live by the biblical adage “an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.” They actually believe that they will be at peace if they achieve revenge or restitution for any mishap that has befallen them at the hands of another. They believe they will reclaim their personal power once they have achieved their revenge, but this is impossible. Disney’s Cinderella (2015) reveals the true secret to owning one’s personal power and to retaining it no matter what we experience in life: “Have courage and be kind.” On the surface this motto looks a bit simple and wimpy. But in reality, it holds great power. That power comes from the heart of a person, or in this case Ella, who sees the world not a...
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