Fear Led Me to...
Shame, guilt and addictive behaviors are all fueled by Fear. This morning I thought about all of the various ways fear has ruled my decisions, my actions, my entire sense of being. This is not an all-inclusive list. I'm sure I'll be adding more to it. But here goes...
Fear led me:
-to allow shame and guilt be my personal companions, 24/7.
-to become alienated from my natural self.
-to surrender my personal power and natural self to most everyone. “I’m your puppet.”
-to please everyone in order to get their stamp of approval on my unworthy self.
-to remain bound in the chains created by others so I could secure their "on-going" approval.
-to shrink in shame and guilt if I said or did something to lose the approval of others.
-to hide my worthless self from most everyone for fear of being ridiculed and rejected.
-to manipulate anyone who offered me crumbs of attention by caretaking and people-pleasing them while neglecting my own needs.
-to give up my heart's deep down natural dreams from childhood in order to accept the morals and beliefs others imposed on me.
-to keep me in-check every time I tried to break free from my internal prison— the one I locked myself into so I could please family, church and everyone around me.
-to take multiple steps backwards whenever I rejoiced over the freedom I felt by taking one step forward.
-to believe I was a bad person because I had my own God-given dreams, needs and wants.
-to embrace the idea that if I dared to be my true self and live my life my way, I would be condemned to hell for failing to follow the rules of others.
This is a pretty good list of the bondage I allowed fear to trap me into over my lifetime. It's a list that I am now using to free myself from the very chains society (family, church, school, etc.) used to entrap me. I am replacing fear with love and courage and choosing to go against any thought or feeling that is fear-based. I succeeded today in escaping the fear-trap by refusing to do something that I once forced myself to do for fear of hell. Now, I choose not to be bullied by that same fear. Pushing past the fear, I now feel secure.
I am beginning to trust myself and the Higher Power of my understanding.
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