If You’re Unhappy, This May Be Why

I’ve spent most of my life trying to make other people happy because I felt responsible for their feelings. And the above quote is spot-on true. I’m the one person who’s not been happy, as a result.

We are not responsible for other people’s feelings. We aren’t their savior. They are responsible for their feelings and we are responsible for ours. Yes, we can express empathy and compassion for others, but we need to stop taking on their feelings and problems as if they are our own. They aren’t. Another person’s problems and feelings affect us indirectly. Our own problems and feelings affect us directly. If we are feeling directly responsible for another person’s feeling/problems, there is something wrong with us.

In other words, if a friend is going through a divorce, that is their problem; not ours. If we feel responsible for solving their problem, or for owning their feelings to the point of neglecting our own problems and feelings, we are trapped in codependent caretaking. We have overstepped boundaries. We are attempting to own something that doesn’t belong to us. Instead of rescuing our friend we need to learn to comfort them, and the best way to do that is to simply be willing to listen to them without trying to fix them.

If you’re trying to keep everyone around you happy your focus is in the wrong place. It’s outside of yourself. Switch your focus inside. Concentrate on what you need to be healthy and happy and allow everyone around you to be responsible for their own selves and their own happiness.