We Need to Be Turned Inside-Out in Order to Heal

“You turn me inside out
You tell me what it's all about
To make the tears run dry
You turn me inside out
And I don't have the slightest doubt
Cause I can see
You can see
What's really inside of me
What's really inside of me.”
Culture Beat, Inside Out (1994)

Sometimes we meet the person who can truly see inside of us. And sometimes, as we progress in recovery, we can begin to see inside of others. I remember back in 1996, after being in recovery for nearly a year, a friend telling me “You’re terrifying me.” I questioned why and he said that I was gaining so much insight so quickly through my recovery program that he was afraid that any day I would be able to see right through him; see through to all of his addictive shenanigans, to all of his weaknesses and to how he actually felt about himself.

Truth was, he was too late to be worrying about it. I had already seen through him. I had seen past his tough, power-driven exterior that projected a false sense of good self-esteem and self-confidence. I had come to see that deep inside of him was a very wounded little boy who was terrified, who loathed himself and whose self-esteem was extremely poor: The very opposite of what he projected to the world around him. My insight explained to me why this particular friend could never admit to being wrong about anything.

People with very poor self-esteem have an extremely hard time admitting to failures. It’s essential for them to be right, and to surround themselves with “yes men,” because their self-worth is too shallow to be able to survive being proven wrong. So, yes, the friend who I once saw as someone very strong and powerful, from inside out, was really the opposite. He was hurting, weak and fragile inside.

I explained that I had already seen inside of him and told him it was “OK.” It’s OK to be broken and hurting inside. We have to acknowledge and accept that brokenness in order to heal. And sometimes we need that special person who can see us from the inside-out, who can be a helping hand in our journey from denial to acceptance to healing.

If you know someone who can see inside of you, don’t be afraid to face them and don’t run from them. They are only able to see you from inside-out because they care enough about you to love you. Allow them to help you with your inner-pain. Be real with them. It’s essential to your healing process. Healing begins with being real, facing your inner-pain and releasing it into the hands of those you can trust.

No one who loves you will think any less of you for acknowledging your brokenness, your weakness, and your need for help. In fact, they will love and value you all the more for trusting them and allowing God to work through them to help you in your healing. I know I greatly value people who are willing to help themselves grow into being healthy, whole people.