Kiss the Victim Goodbye

“I love and accept you exactly as you are.”

Louise Hay, You Can Heal Your Life

We are only victims because we choose to be. When we refuse to work at loving and accepting ourselves exactly as we are, we choose to victimize ourselves through self-hatred. We then project our self-victimization to others and we draw perpetrators into our lives. We are the magnets attracting abuse and they are the steal that scrapes against our hearts. They hurt us and we blame them, and the never-ending circle of our victim-hood is complete.

Whenever we look in the mirror and hate what we see, we are making ourselves into victims. We look at ourselves and we feel cheated. We may ask ourselves “How come I didn’t get the blond hair and blue eyes?” Or “Why didn’t I get the high cheekbones like my sister?” Or “Why didn’t I get the height and V-shape?” We feel cheated and feeling cheated makes us victims of ourselves.

Instead of feeling cheated we need to appreciate what we do have. Many of the people that we see as “perfect” feel just as cheated as anyone else when they look in the mirror. “Perfect” is when we look in the mirror and choose to like what we see. “Perfect” is when we shift from liking what we see to loving what we see. Perfect is acceptance of what is—exactly as God created us.

We can stop being victims by approving of our selves. Once we have a solid foundation of self-love and self-approval, we don’t need anyone else’s approval. The approval of others may be nice to have, but we won’t need it once we love who we are. Self-love and approval will provide us with an inner-glow that will then radiate to our surface. That glow of “I feel good about myself” will then attract all of the right people into our lives.

We can also stop being victims by taking responsibility for our own lives. This means that we stop victimizing ourselves by blaming everyone else for our self-hatred and resulting problems. Every time we blame someone else for something, we make victims of ourselves. We are saying “it’s that person’s fault and I had no control. I was at their mercy. I am a victim.” This is rarely the truth. The truth is usually that we don’t want to admit we made mistakes and we don’t want to be responsible for the consequences. So we blame someone else and we victimize ourselves.

When we stop hating who we are, we stop being victims. When we stop hating our faces, hair, bodies, personalities, social status, race, gender, sexual orientation, ethnicity, etc., we stop being victims. When we stop feeling cheated by God and life, we stop being victims. And when we stop blaming, we stop being victims.

In her wonderful book “You Can Heal Your Life” Louise Hay says that she encourages all of her clients to pick up a mirror, look into their own eyes, say their name and then say “I love and accept you exactly the way that you are.” Most people balk at doing this exercise. I used to balk as well. I don’t anymore. It works. We stop being victims when we start loving ourselves just the way we are. We have the power to rescue ourselves through self-love, self-approval and self-acceptance. No one else's approval will ever rescue us.

Kiss yourself with love and kiss the victim in you goodbye!